After the Crux Read online

  Dedication

  This one is for T.L. Schaefer, who also writes great erotic romances as Kiera Ramsay. This was my first attempt at writing an erotic novel, and she was the first to ask to see it. The first to love it. This book is for you, T! I’m incredibly lucky to have such a fantastic woman as my friend!

  Chapter One

  The Devil was in the details.

  Ross pulled off his gloves and shoved them into the pocket of his heavy, gray parka as he strode down the hallway to the rooms he shared with Dorian and Jenna. He’d forgotten Jenna’s list. Flexing fingers sore from hauling cans of biodiesel, he grimaced when he saw the muddy prints his boots left on the hardwood floors. He was pretty sure Georgia had cleaned them yesterday. Not that she’d complain.

  Late autumn sunlight faded the deeper he moved into the house. The three bedroom wings of the earth-sheltered dwelling were built underground to take advantage of consistent ground temperatures. Whoever had designed the place had been a genius, because the halls grew wider and the underground rooms utilized wide-open spaces to make up for the lack of light. Ross loved the house. Hated leaving it every single time.

  Secluded and partially built over a year-round trout stream, the large home had been designed as some kind of artist’s retreat. Best of all, it had been built green, using the stream for year-round power. Located in the Jemez Mountains of New Mexico, it was hard to reach, especially in winter because no one plowed streets anymore. Hell, most of the roads had been overtaken by tree roots and weeds anyway.

  Now that their family had expanded to include a married couple, a single woman and two orphaned kids, Ross was glad he’d chosen this place. Because they were the first here, Dorian, Jenna and Ross had already set up house in the west wing, which had two bedrooms on either side of a big den with a fireplace.

  The faint rumble of the truck sounded and Ross grinned. Jake was probably growing impatient. They could have left without Jenna’s list—he had the damned thing mostly memorized—but he wanted a chance to say goodbye again.

  He had a weird feeling about this trip, an unsettling rumble in his gut that made him want to skip it. But they were closing in on the winter months, and he really wanted to have one more hydroelectric generator ready to go before the heavy frosts hit. Winter was a real bitch if they weren’t prepared. Years had passed and he could still vividly recall their first cold season here. Never again would they survive on scarce wild game and vitamins eons past their expiration dates.

  The Devil, in this case, wasn’t about some overly detailed list of supplies he’d be lucky to find—but his need for another hug goodbye.

  It wasn’t the house he had trouble leaving so much as it was the two people he loved more than anything in this world. He’d wanted to take one or the other with him, but Dorian’s talent for healing with herbs meant he needed to stay with the others. Jenna… Well, he doubted he could pry the woman from Dorian since they’d become lovers. But he’d never risk her out there anyway. Not these days.

  The sad ratio of female-to-male Crux Virus survivors had turned some roving groups into gangs out for one thing. Their housemate Georgia was heartbreaking proof of how bad it had gotten out there, and the thought of Jenna in that kind of situation made him break out in a cold sweat.

  He heard the low moan when he was halfway across the den. He stopped, surprised to hear the sounds coming from the large supply closet off the room. A lacy, blue bra clung to the arm of the couch. His stomach churned and he held his breath. Jenna let out another low moan. Ross closed his eyes. He knew that sound, had heard it before. Muffled, but still sexy and full of something that twisted his heart into knots.

  It brought to life every inappropriate feeling he’d experienced over the last couple of years. At twenty-five, Jenna had grown into a stunning woman.

  “You have the hottest mouth,” she said, voice low and throaty.

  They didn’t know he hadn’t left yet.

  Dorian and Jenna always muffled their lovemaking when he was home. He knew it for sure now because these sounds were unfettered and passionate. A deeper noise from Dorian, like a growl, followed, and Ross’s body snapped taut. The door to the supply closet was open. He heard the heavy breathing, the gasps…and two seconds later, the slap of a bare back hitting the wall.

  “Oh yeah, right there,” Jenna said. “Your fingers…yes. Damn, you have great fingers too—”

  Her voice broke off, the last word a cry.

  “So beautiful.” Dorian’s tone, strained and hoarse, told Ross so much about the man’s feelings for Jenna.

  Feelings Ross understood more than he cared to acknowledge.

  “Shit!” She gasped out the word. “Now. I want you in me now.”

  Ross felt terrible even as he took the two steps needed to the right so he could see. He shouldn’t look. He couldn’t not look.

  One slim, shapely leg lifted into his sight and he halted. He didn’t want them to catch him, because it was wrong on so many levels. But he didn’t move as Jenna’s leg slid up and around Dorian’s hips until she could hook her ankles together around his back. The firm muscles of Dorian’s ass flexed as he thrust into her over and over. Jenna’s neck, pale and graceful, stretched as she tilted her head back.

  Dorian put his mouth there. Ross didn’t blame him. His own mouth filled with saliva at the thought of tasting her, touching her. Dorian’s shoulder-length, black curls twined with Jenna’s straight white-blonde hair, his darker skin shadowed her lighter. They looked like a blended piece of sculpture—beauty in its stark and primal state.

  Every guilty fantasy flared to life as he watched the two people he loved more than anything make love to each other with a passion he could only dream of experiencing. It was all he could do to keep breathing. He stepped back, closed his eyes and pulled air deep into his frozen lungs.

  He didn’t look again.

  But he turned too fast, his hand knocking over a lamp that crashed loud onto the hardwood floor. Dorian and Jenna went quiet. Ross froze, then looked up, and caught Dorian in the doorway, watching him. He’d seen Dorian naked, knew the long, lean and muscled lines of his frame. He’d never seen him like this though. Glistening with sweat, flushed with lust. Heart pounding, Ross closed his eyes, confused by the feelings roiling through his chest.

  “Sorry,” Ross mumbled. “Forgot Jenna’s list.” He opened the door, backed through it and watched Dorian’s eyes narrow.

  “Wait. Ross, no, don’t leave like this. I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have—”

  Ross held up a hand to shut him up. “Tell Jenna bye for me.”

  Dorian flew into motion, snapping his pants up off the floor. Jenna yelled something, but Ross’s heart was beating too hard, his blood rushing too loudly in his ears.

  He shut the door and stalked down the hall that led to the main gathering area. He passed Georgia, tried to offer her the reassuring smile she always came for as he left, but his face felt frozen. His heart hurt. Hurt in a way he was damned sick of dealing with. He had to get out of there.

  Jake was already in the passenger seat of the truck. The two of them had loaded enough biodiesel and food in the back to last three weeks longer than they planned to be gone. Precaution saved lives in these times. They even had cans of fuel stashed in different places on the main roads they could still find passable. Ross passed Jake’s wife, Lynn, as he strode toward the truck. She put a hand on his arm, her red hair glinting in the bright sun, her expression concerned as she looked up into his face.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  He nodded, managed a semblance of a smile and patted her shoulder as he continued on. He knew she stared after him, confused.

  “You two be careful and hurry back. I think we’re going to get heavy snow early this y
ear.”

  “Will do.” Ross climbed into the truck, started it and pulled out onto the long, winding driveway. Fast. He caught a glimpse of Dorian and Jenna running out the front door. He didn’t stop, just held his hand out the window to wave goodbye.

  Luckily, Jake was a man of few words and correctly read that Ross didn’t want to talk. He pulled out a book. Good thing, because Ross was sure his words were crushed inside the tangled mess of new feelings tearing up his insides.

  He’d spent the last sixteen years loving Dorian and Jenna. He’d found the nine-year-olds hiding in a basement in his home town of Phoenix nearly a year after the Crux Virus had taken out most of the world’s population. Phoenix, with its good weather year-round, had attracted a lot of survivors. Unfortunately, most seemed to be the bad kind—ones determined to live out their lives boozing it up to forget, or taking out their resentment on those trying to survive.

  Ross had been staying in his home alone since his parents had died during the first wave of the virus. He’d snuck out as much as possible, especially in the early days, and built up a good supply of canned goods and ammo for his father’s guns. He’d been on a run for fresh water when he’d spotted a group of men raiding his place. Though he’d already been big, over six feet tall at fourteen, he knew his odds of surviving a group attack were slim.

  To this day, the memory of that raw fear as he’d left everything he knew behind could still make him suffer nightmares.

  But if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have found Dorian and Jenna.

  Pure luck had sent him down that particular basement, and the first thing he’d seen was Jenna with her shock of dirty white hair, standing fierce over her ill friend, her hand shaking as it pointed a butcher knife at him. The two had been hiding in the basement for months, scrounging for food. Dorian, wracked with food poisoning, hadn’t even opened his eyes. Ross’s every protective instinct had gone on alert and he’d found medicine for Dorian, and kept them hidden until he could get them out of Phoenix.

  Sixteen years had passed, and in that time, they’d gathered a family in their oasis in the Jemez Mountains. Life was as good as they could make it.

  But Ross’s longing for an adult relationship of his own had grown unbearable. He’d been fighting the guilt over his feelings for Jenna for a couple of years. And now, he had a new guilt to add to the mix because he’d felt a stirring toward Dorian too. Ross blinked his eyes fast, got control of his feelings. It wouldn’t do to run Jake off the road because his vision had blurred.

  “What was up with him?” Lynn demanded. She tilted her head, red ponytail brushing over the front of her gray sweatshirt as she got a good look at their disheveled clothing. She closed her eyes. “Yeah, I can see what happened.” Tears filled her eyes. “I hope he finds someone this time. I really do.”

  Jenna frowned at the woman. Their situation didn’t leave a lot of privacy and normally that didn’t bother her so much. But her heart felt shredded, and right now, she didn’t want to deal with anyone. She threaded her fingers with Dorian’s, watched his big, dark eyes gazing after the fast-disappearing truck. The forest of pine, spruce and aspens surrounding their home obliterated the view fast.

  Lynn shook her head, laid her hand on Dorian’s arm. “It’s not your fault, nor is it Jenna’s. He just… He needs someone.” She walked into the house.

  Dorian shivered and Jenna squeezed his hand. “Come back inside. It’s cold.”

  “I’m not cold,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Did you see his face?”

  She nodded, bit her lip. Her eyes burned.

  “Fuck!”

  She lifted an eyebrow as Dorian yelled the word before he swung around, tugging her back into the house, through the main room where they kept exercise equipment, and back into their wing. She blushed when she saw her bra on the big, fake leather couch. “We should have waited. I hate that he saw us like that.”

  “His expression, Jenna.” Dorian slumped onto the couch, scrubbed his hands over his face. “He can’t be alone like this.”

  Heart pounding, Jenna sat next to him, curling one leg up on the supple, brown cushions. “Georgia…”

  He met her gaze, one corner of his mouth twisting. “You and I both know nothing will ever happen between Ross and Georgia. She’s too damaged. Besides, there isn’t a spark there.”

  Jenna nodded. Ross had rescued Georgia from a group of men who’d kept her imprisoned in a high-rise apartment. Ross hadn’t shared all the details, but his expression when he’d said they wouldn’t be hurting anyone again, added to his tender, non-threatening way around Georgia, told them plenty. It had been over a year and she still barely spoke. She’d moved into the east wing with the orphaned kids. Caring for them made her happy, and her presence seemed to reassure the kids too.

  In the early years, Crux Virus survivors had partied and pillaged. Now, with most of the remaining food supplies gone, those too stupid or lazy to learn gardening spent their lives hunting down those who had learned to fend for themselves. So few women had survived the virus that most ended up in living situations not fit for animals. To this day, Jenna knew how lucky she and Dorian had been when the much bigger Ross had stumbled into their hiding place in that basement.

  “He’s still trying to shield us,” she whispered.

  “He wants you.”

  Her head snapped up. She thought of denying it, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t lie to Dorian. Ever. She’d caught a few longing looks, had seen Ross staring at her bare midriff when her T-shirt rode up. She’d always considered him her family, and hadn’t thought twice about running around in skimpy clothes, until she’d clued in. He didn’t have a sexual outlet. It was cruel to taunt him with something he didn’t have.

  She bit her lip. Did she want to have this conversation with Dorian? Truth was, she’d thought of changing the dynamics of their relationship with Ross. Often. Especially because she’d seen Dorian watching Ross too. She had no doubt Dorian loved her, that he desired her with every fiber of his being, but she had this feeling…

  “You know he wants you, don’t you?” he repeated, his eyes so dark brown they glittered like polished onyx in the low light left by the one remaining lamp. They matched his hair, silky black, with long, luxuriant curls she fought him over cutting. He compromised and wore his hair shoulder length, though he griped about the strands getting in the way of his work. His face, so finely sculpted and masculine, deserved that cloud of soft silk. “Jenna, did you hear me?”

  She nodded.

  “He’ll never make a move. He thinks of us as his kids, which is—”

  “Ridiculous. We’re five years apart.” She leaned back, stared at the ceiling. “Every damn time he goes on a supply run, I know he hopes to find another woman, one less damaged than Georgia. I can’t stand his loneliness, Dorian.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Dorian,” she whispered, touching his arm so he’d look at her. “I’ve seen the way you look at him too.”

  Dorian wasn’t one to hedge. His black hair slid down over one eye as he bowed his head. “I’m not sure it’s like that.”

  “But you wouldn’t have a problem if it was?”

  “Of course not.”

  “He’s taken care of us, provided for us. And now, he’s trying to protect us from something he thinks is wrong when it’s anything but.” She threaded her fingers with Dorian’s. “I saw his expression earlier. Saw his face go white…saw the desire he thought he shouldn’t be feeling. The guilt—”

  She broke off, choking on a sob that came out of nowhere.

  Muscles flexed in Dorian’s strong arms when he tugged her onto his lap. “We’ll do something about this.”

  She snuggled into his neck, loving the spicy, masculine scent of him. “I saw something—something fleeting—but it was there.” She took a deep breath. “I think maybe he wants you too.”

  Dorian went still, held his breath. At the notch of her thighs, where she straddled his lap, she felt a stirring. She l
eaned back, grinned. “Oh, you like that idea.”

  He nodded, watching her so closely, it felt as if his mind probed hers. “He was just a kid when he started taking care of us. You and I flowed naturally into a sexual relationship…it just feels like he should be a part of that.”

  Excitement burned in her stomach and her grin stretched wide. “This isn’t going to be easy, but I have a feeling it’s going to be fun.”

  “We just have to get him to agree.”

  Chapter Two

  “I’ve found heaven.”

  Ross looked up from under the hood of their souped-up semi-trailer, where he was replacing the fuel filter. Now that true cold had hit, they’d have trouble starting the truck if they didn’t keep the filters fresh. Biodiesel did have a few drawbacks outside of the time it took to grow, grind and cook the corn they used for theirs.

  “Heaven is home on a warm couch watching old movies.” Preferably while curled up with Dorian and Jenna. “It’s certainly not this frozen ghost town in Texas.”

  This had been a particularly desolate supply run. They’d found most of the things needed, but there hadn’t been one survivor. Just one town after another filled with rusted-out cars, vine-covered buildings and barely passable streets. Tree roots had overtaken most roads and showed no signs of relinquishing their ownership. Just getting from one town to another took three times the stretch it had in earlier supply runs.

  Weeks of witnessing nothing more than the footprints of humanity deadened something inside Ross, made Jake grow quieter. Just yesterday, they’d found a macabre jumble of human bones. They’d searched the entire small town looking for the person who’d piled them up, and found nothing. They knew people were out there. Finding them was the tricky part. The smart ones hid—just like them.

  Jake grinned, looking more cheerful than he had in days as his dark brown hair flopped over his taped glasses. “My idea of heaven? An intact eyewear shop with my prescription. But this is even better. A fully stocked and un-ransacked wine cellar.”